Was shopping with one of my friends yesterday and she took me to a clothing store where the cheapest thing was $200. I felt like a goat at the prom. Sooo outta place. And it’s weird cuz you gotta play the part like you belong. Try to blend in. I contemplated talking with an English accent. Would that make me look less poor? Probably not. Decided against.
My girl held up a pair of alligator print boots and was like “Aren’t these the most insane things you’ve ever seen?!” I didn’t know if “insane” meant good or bad. I said yep. Looked at the price tag – THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! I’m thinking: the only way I’m ever getting alligator boots is if an alligator eats me and poops me out torso first.
I think even if I were a rich person, I’d still avoid buying nice things. I don’t know WHY I’ve just never seen value in the expensive. I watch rap videos and everybody’s got brand new, opulent everything and I’m like…. Aren’t you afraid to get those clothes dirty? Aren’t you afraid to scratch that nice car? Aren’t you afraid to let kids on your spotless white carpet?
I’d be the ONE rich twit eating Ramen out of nicer bowls and driving TWO Dodge Neons instead of one. I look forward to that day. My riches shall be shared with all of you! Ramen for everyone. And multi-colored carpet that hides the dirt. Rap about THAT, Fiddy! Pfft.... like I'm ever gonna have this problem. Perhaps there's a reason my friend always looks nicer than me. She has an uber-classy job where she doesn't make jokes about alligator poop. It's alllll a life lesson, Lissa.... Go brush up on the English accent.