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Oct 25, 2011 ~ bitch stole my pumpkin pickin' pants!!

Three things I love about fall: leaves changing, spiced cider, and going to pick pumpkins with my privates exposed. It’s like Grandma used to say: “If the families at the pumpkin patch didn’t wanna see your vulva, they should’ve thought of that before they left the house.” …….wait – what?

Check out that photo. WHO THE HELL WEARS THIS TO A PUBLIC PUMPKIN-PICKING PATCH? (I like alliteration – can you tell?) Perhaps this girl thought it was the “pubic” pumpkin patch. Either way, when we can see your patch…..your shorts are too short. Tip of the iceberg as far as this photo’s concerned.

In case you’re wondering – this is Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison (the 51 year-old creepenstein actor who married the 17 year-old fruitcake degenerate wannabe country singer). They showed up at a Hollywood Hills pumpkin patch over the weekend, and proceeded to passionately make out and strike various poses. Shockingly enough, PEOPLE COMPLAINED! I know – prudes, right?! I mean, folks should realize that when they bring their children to a public family place, there’s a good chance they might see a horny couple fornicating.

After several angry parents lodged complaints with the owners, Courtney and Doug were told to leave. Booooo! Poor things. Now they are horny AND pumpkinless. I am troubled by this. They were OBVIOUSLY profiled, because no one else got asked to leave that day - all THEY did was show love. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Love? Gross, inappropriate, disrespectful to your surroundings love?

Courtney’s parents say people are out to get her because they’re just jealous of how beautiful she is. They’re right. I know I’M jealous. I wish I had such a vast expanse of mental vacancy that I could show up at a family-themed business, dressed like a porn fluffer, and dry hump my wrinkly perv husband while children watched and see absolutely no problem with this. That would be suuuuuper. Cuz thinking is SUCH a drag.

Lemme know how I can make that happen. Til that day, I’ll sit here stewing in my hateful jealousy. Drowning in common sense. Writhing in respect for my fellow humans. Poor Lissa.

Poor, poor, pumpkinless Lissa....


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10/25/2011 10:24AM
Oct 25, 2011 ~ bitch stole my pumpkin pickin' pants!!
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10/27/2011 11:00AM
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