Rocky & Lissa
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November 12, 2010 ~ I feel violated....

Can someone please tell me when it became okay to run your fingers through my hair at the grocery store?! I was in there a few minutes ago getting some mid-morning snackage and this random dude (think Randy Quaid’s slightly dirtier, slow-witted stunt double) starts stroking my hair. Petting me like a dog. I whip my head around and smack his hand away - “What the hell are you DOING, man?!” I glared at this guy like an old person being forced to pay full price for coffee at McDonald’s. He shrugs, smacks his gum, and calmly announces “I like hair.” About that time I look down and see a small child with a starter mullet (translation: just a teensy bit of shag south of the Mason Dixon neckline; a “starter kit” for a full-blown mullet later in life). This kid is holding the creepo’s hand and looking up at him as if to say “Why, Daddy? Why do women always shriek at you objectionably and recoil in disgust? Why also have you NOT washed this koolaid ring off my face or dressed me in weather-appropriate footwear?”

Is it just me, or do you immediately feel guilty for having great parents when you see some totally innocent kid (like this one) being shuffled around by what is obviously John Wayne Gacy’s NEPA doppelganger? I started having flashbacks – when I was growing up, my folks would make us hot chocolate, read to us, take us fishing, and OH YEAH – not feel up random women in the grocery store!!!!  Good Lord. So I smiled at the boy, beat feet outta the store, wolfed down my dried pineapple, and made a mental note to look for the kid's face in ten to fifteen years on “America’s Most Wanted” . Poor little scamp. Doesn’t have a prayer, does he? At the very least he’s got his starter mullet…….cuz…….his Daddy “likes hair”…… :S Um, ew.

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11/12/2010 9:19AM
November 12, 2010 ~ I feel violated....
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