May 1, 2012 ~ when nooky gets facebooky
One or two mushy Facebook status updates from couples in love will make me thankful I have such beautiful openly affectionate friends. Any MORE than that and I assume you’re both cheating or overcompensating for a lackluster sex life and possible porn addiction. One of my friends averages about five lovey dovey posts a DAY....“You’re shmoopy… no YOU’RE shmoopy!” ...You're both horny idiots with carpal tunnel. I know there’s a gray area here, because (devil’s advocate alert) I actually think it’s sweet when I see people post about their relationship a couple times a month, or on special occasions or something.
SWEET POST (and this is totally real, from one of my REAL friends):
“My husband just got me flowers for my birthday!! Isn’t he the BESTEST hubby EVER?!”
My reaction? Awww. Yes. Yes he is. And you are a very sweet wifey for thanking him on Facebook. Hugs and kissy noises to you both.
EXAMPLE OF OVERCOMPENSATION POST (this one is also totally real, from one of my real friends):
“Okay, I know I say this every day, but my boyfriend is soooo AMAAAAAAAZING! Soul mates = Forever! Haters can hate, players can play, we will STILL be going strong! Suck it!”
My reaction? YOU should be sucking it. Cuz then you’d have less time to post stuff like this. WHAT? I meant Tic Tacs!!!…..sucking delicious…candy…..one-calorie mints…umm…….. MY POINT IS: when your relationship’s really solid, you don’t need to post stuff like “suck it” to other people. Obviously there is a third party involved, because “haters can hate” is code for “the girl he bangs on the side is friends with BOTH of us on Facebook, and I want her to see that he’s with ME this week….nannah nannah boo boo!”
Mature. And gonorrhea-rific. I’m not saying you can’t profess your love – shout it from the mountaintops! Just do it in once-a-week increments…..for the rest of us. Thanks. You’re totally AMAAAAAAAZING!!!