Rocky & Lissa
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May 1, 2012 ~ when nooky gets facebooky

One or two mushy Facebook status updates from couples in love will make me thankful I have such beautiful openly affectionate friends. Any MORE than that and I assume you’re both cheating or overcompensating for a lackluster sex life and possible porn addiction. One of my friends averages about five lovey dovey posts a DAY....“You’re shmoopy… no YOU’RE shmoopy!” ...You're both horny idiots with carpal tunnel. I know there’s a gray area here, because (devil’s advocate alert)  I actually think it’s sweet when I see people post about their relationship a couple times a month, or on special occasions or something.


 SWEET POST (and this is totally real, from one of my REAL friends):

“My husband just got me flowers for my birthday!! Isn’t he the BESTEST hubby EVER?!”

My reaction? Awww. Yes. Yes he is. And you are a very sweet wifey for thanking him on Facebook. Hugs and kissy noises to you both.

EXAMPLE OF OVERCOMPENSATION POST (this one is also totally real, from one of my real friends):

“Okay, I know I say this every day, but my boyfriend is soooo AMAAAAAAAZING! Soul mates = Forever! Haters can hate, players can play, we will STILL be going strong! Suck it!”

My reaction? YOU should be sucking it. Cuz then you’d have less time to post stuff like this. WHAT? I meant Tic Tacs!!!…..sucking delicious…candy… mints…umm…….. MY POINT IS: when your relationship’s really solid, you don’t need to post stuff like “suck it” to other people. Obviously there is a third party involved, because “haters can hate” is code for “the girl he bangs on the side is friends with BOTH of us on Facebook, and I want her to see that he’s with ME this week….nannah nannah boo boo!”

Mature. And gonorrhea-rific. I’m not saying you can’t profess  your love – shout it from the mountaintops! Just do it in once-a-week increments…..for the rest of us. Thanks. You’re totally AMAAAAAAAZING!!!

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05/01/2012 10:16AM
May 1, 2012 ~ when nooky gets facebooky
Please Enter Your Comments Below
05/01/2012 10:50AM
Seriously Irritating BOYS!
I am friends with lots of people I went to hs with. Even though I don't talk to them, I feel somewhat obligated to remain "friends" with them. There is this one guy who is soooooo bipolar it's like watching a car accident. Like, you know it's awful but you can't help but watch. Every day it's something like: "life sucks. I'm just going to dissapear. - why can't I just find a girl who will love me? - I hate my life - my car is amazinh, I'm the best - I'm done. I'm leaving forever. - I love this girl, I'm going to marry her." Those are litterally examples of posts during the course of ONE DAY! Unbelievable! I just want to slap the guy and say "would you go out with you?! Grow up!"
05/01/2012 10:57AM
THAT is severe. I think you're right - maybe some serious psychological issues there. Thanks for the comment! You rock :) -lissa
05/01/2012 1:39PM
Lissa's Gyno
I am going to post this on my facebook. Lissa's got the hottest labia on the planet ... I love it.... Too Much??? care to guess who this is? hint 49783
05/02/2012 6:33AM
If you really are my former gyno, this is hardly a commercial for your privacy policies. -Lissa
05/02/2012 8:38AM
It was all hoax in the end
I know a married couple that would always post their passionate thoughts about each other on Facebook. The type of stuff that every princess wants to hear. Until a few days ago when he got nabbed for cheating on her. They’ve both shut down their accounts. It sucks because I’m really interested to know how they feel about each other now. I’m sure the dialog would be interesting. I need some dam drama in my life, help a brother out.
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