It's been a weird week here at KRZ..... Sue's last day was today (in case you were on Mars and hadn't heard), so the morning show will be me & Rocky from now on, we had an intruder in the building on Monday, and Wednesday at Quaker Steak & Lube Bike Night an adorable girl named Mackenzie handed me her pet skunk (?).... Yep, strange week for sure.
But out of strangeness comes something cool...
Somebody nominated me for Steamtown Area Singer/Songwriter Of The Year!! Whoa! I still don't know who did this, but I really appreciate it, especially because most of the nominees grew up here and I'm still relatively new. If you have a second, would you vote for me? You can vote once a day. Thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!
And here's me with the skunk and the beautiful young Mackenzie. Ya know, I'm used to kids being cuter than me but Mackenzie was smarter and braver too. She showed me exactly how to hold the skunk and told me "don't be afraid". Haaa - I still was. I kept talking to it like Pepe Lepew but he never answered back.
Hey! These guys (and gal) are great, they deserve to be on huge stages, doing huge things, eating huge pizzas. Please take a second and vote for local musicians Graces Downfall in the (click the following) ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK UPROAR FESTIVAL Battle Of The Bands!!
They'll be opening for Shinedown, Adelitas Way, Godsmack, Staind, etc. - you rock if you SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC! Let's do this ;)
GRACES DOWNFALL - let's help them do this! Devil horns up..... DE-NEET!!!!
Good luck fatty! We’re rootin’ for ya, but seriously, society doesn’t wanna see you again til you’re thin!! Is this the message entertainment magazines are trying to send to Jessica Simpson? Poor girl’s been hired by Weight Watchers as their new spokesperson (she’s supposed to lose 50 pounds of baby weight in five months) and everyone’s jumping down her throat cuz she’s not doing it fast enough.
Magazine writers tend to resemble that bitchy girl in high school who insults you but then tags a compliment at the end so you can’t react or else YOU look like a mental patient. This morning Radar Online applauded Jessica for occasionally blowing off the gym because she didn’t wanna leave her baby daughter….. awww, right? But then they displayed THIS photo with the caption “Jessica’s been working out frequently, but she hasn’t shown off the results of her hard work yet”.
Oh gee - THANKS! (?) What a tremendous self-esteem boost that must be for her! Radar Online, you should open a ridicule-based weight loss center, where at the end of the program you’ll be down twenty pounds or have killed yourself. Oh wait, you already did. It’s called media. (BTW - I'd love to see the physically perfect human specimens at Radar Online, elbow deep in fast food wrappers, TYPING these stories at 2am... but I digress)
I know gossip mags are not in business to make people feel good about themselves, but I personally believe there are enough celebrities PLACING themselves in the ridicule spotlight (HI Snooki, J-Woww, Teen Moms, Real Housewives, Charlie Sheen, Kim Kardashislut) we don’t need to be chasing down new mommies, making them explain why they haven’t lost 50 pounds in a month! Jessica just HAD the baby in May - give her time! She could still eat Ashley Simpson and look better in shorty shorts than ninety percent of us. On a side note, someone really SHOULD eat Ashley. I mean, who lip syncs on SNL and does a hoe-down? That was just weird.
I would never call Justin Bieber fans stupid. I LIKE Bieber (shut up). He’s very talented. His fans however….make some very stupid Tweets. If you don’t believe me, search it. But be prepared for an assless future because after five minutes you will have laughed it off. Tomorrow Justin’s album comes out - his royal minions have taken over the Twitterverse (and everywhere else) expressing their love, adoration, and general worshipfulness for his highness Justin Bieber. I’m all for it! If you’re a fan of somebody, go all out! Wear your Def Leppard t-shirt PROUDLY (Lissa)…. But THIS….. is ridiculous.
This is an actual Tweet from an actual Bieber fan (apparently in response to someone claiming that Kurt Cobain was more popular than Beebs, wth?).
First of all, a more stupid argument I cannot comprehend. Second of all, learn what year Twitter was invented (psst – 2006). Learn what year Kurt Cobain died (psst - 1994). And learn that your parents were cousins (psst – they were).
I truly FEAR for our youth sometimes. Especially since I will probably have no children and these are the people who will someday be taking care of me in a nursing home. Can’t wait to have a conversation while they change my diaper about who was better – Def Leppard or Justin Bieber. I like them both. But Bieber IS better at hoverboarding. Get it? Hasn’t been invented yet! HARHARHARHARHARBLES! Meanwhile, they’re changing my diaper going “Lissa, where’s your ass?” …….”Oh, I’m sorry. I laughed it off reading your Tweets back in the Bieber days, you freaking tool.”
Okay, I WAS on board with ex-Miss Pennsylvania at first. Til I found out she was a jealous catty beeotch. When Sheena Monnin claimed the Miss USA contest was rigged, I was like “Yeah! Stick it to Donald Trump! Show him your proof! Poke his toupee!”….but that’s the problem. She doesn’t HAVE proof. What she DOES have is a horribly hateful attitude. The Miss USA organization gave TMZ text messages it claims Sheena sent to a pageant official when they announced Top 16. Here’s one:
"Colorado? South Carolina? I'm done. This is ridiculous. It's obviously rigged so the girl they want can shine; they kept several beautiful girls out for that reason."
Sheena claims Miss Colorado and South Carolina were too ugly “in the face” to make Top 16. What?! The pageant officials believe these text messages will show that Sheena's conspiracy theory is emotionally motivated, and she’s basically a sore loser. I hate to say it – but they’re right. Remember, Sheena never saw the document in which SHE claims the final 5 were already predetermined. She says another contestant told her about that document. Wow. Hearsay. How very reliable. There’s a reason hearsay is inadmissible in court, Miss PA(rty pooper).
If anything, these text messages prove how truly hateful women can be. Sometimes purdy on the outside can still mean you’re ugly as sin underneath. And for the record, next time you’re trying to insult your fellow competitors in a BEAUTY pageant, try to think of something more believable than “ugly”.
Oh, wait…..I just found pictures of those two trolls. You’re right!! ICKY POO! I can barely suppress my gag reflex! Hideous! See, if there was a Miss Sarcasm award, it’d go to me…. These two women are gorgeous. Can it, Sheena. Go back to opening shopping malls and waving in parades. And move to another state. That’d be awesome. We don’t want you anymore. Women! We need to build each other up! Not tear each other down.
I mean, unless you're disgustingly unattractive like these two water buffalo. Then you don't deserve love.
What a great weekend! Had a blast opening for The Marshall Tucker Band at Sherman Theater Saturday night! They even brought me onstage to sing "Can't You See"!!! What a great group of guys! Here's my set, in case you wanted to see it, and THANKS a million times over to my beautiful friend Colleen for taping me! She even got a few shots of me onstage with Marshall Tucker! I can't stop smiling.....
You know how sometimes you see people driving with their dogs in their laps, and you kinda wanna ram the hell out of them, cuz you know SOMEBODY’S gonna die and you don’t want it to be you? Seriously, how is this legal? You’re basically begging other motorists to turn your pet into a projectile. You know that sound a bird makes when it smacks into a window? That’s the sound of your dog telling you to go f#@k yourself.
I say this because we have a dude cruising around Wilkes Barre (may or may not be high on meth – unconfirmed), and he’s constantly driving CRAZY, always with this spazzy poodle in his lap.
I know for a fact he’s going to kill me. Maybe not when I’m driving, but when I’m running, definitely. I’ve seen him three times now and each time he’s got the car windows down, swerving like Lindsay Lohan, apparently having a conversation with no one, and this DOG is freaking out like a taser victim on his lap.
Now, one of two things is gonna happen: either A) crazy dog man is gonna kill me while I’m jogging, possibly cuz my headphones are cranked and I’m distracted – “Dance! Shout! Shake your body down to the ground…” THUD!! Lissa’s dead.
B) The dog is gonna realize the window’s open and this is his only possible chance to escape his drunken motorist captor. Fido will triumphantly LEAP to freedom, and while he’s airborne he’ll come into contact with a certain jogger’s head. That certain jogger will of course be me. THUD! Lissa’s dead again. Obituary lists "Local Radio Personality Bludgeoned By Poodle"....first case of its kind. You see what I’m saying? Either way, this man is going to take me out. So if you see a psychopathic white dude careening around Wilkes Barre in a ’97 LeBaron, hummingbirdish puppy on his knee, ram the crap out of him. It’s him or me, folks. Don’t make all my years of fitness for nothing. I deserve to live... For at least another month. Thanks.
Holy busy week for me! Working on album tracks, plus I’ve got an appearance at Quaker Steak & Lube Wednesday night, DJ gig at Mount Airy Casino Friday night, Saturday I’m opening for Marshall Tucker Band at Sherman Theater (click HERE for tickets), then Sunday I’m NYC working on my other radio show. Yowza!
Next Monday after work I plan to collapse and possibly eat a whole pizza in one sitting.
Quick question for ya: do you ever get the feeling that stress is ONLY manageable when your house is completely clean and your laundry’s done? I go from Gandhi-like peacefulness to Kate Gosselin spazzbitch depending on whether or not my house is in order. House clean? Me zen. House chaos? I’m convinced my entire world is in turmoil and I’m a disorganized loser who’ll never amount to anything. Exaggerate much? I know.
So, to keep myself sane I spent yesterday evening cleaning every nook & cranny of the house, and made sure ALL my laundry was done. Found five bucks in an old jacket pocket too! Bought myself the first Dairy Queen of the season! With the power of Mint Oreo Blizzard in me AND the achievement of supreme organization, what could go wrong?! I am READY to face this week!!!!! :D
(Now if only I could remember my ATM pin. Seriously, it’s escaped me. I need lunch and that was my last five bucks. Uh-oh….. not a good sign.)