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Lissa




June 7, 2012 ~ dogs can fly if the car window's open


You know how sometimes you see people driving with their dogs in their laps, and you kinda wanna ram the hell out of them, cuz you know SOMEBODY’S gonna die and you don’t want it to be you? Seriously, how is this legal? You’re basically begging other motorists to turn your pet into a projectile. You know that sound a bird makes when it smacks into a window? That’s the sound of your dog telling you to go f#@k yourself.

I say this because we have a dude cruising around Wilkes Barre (may or may not be high on meth – unconfirmed), and he’s constantly driving CRAZY, always with this spazzy poodle in his lap.

I know for a fact he’s going to kill me. Maybe not when I’m driving, but when I’m running, definitely. I’ve seen him three times now and each time he’s got the car windows down, swerving like Lindsay Lohan, apparently having a conversation with no one, and this DOG is freaking out like a taser victim on his lap.

Now, one of two things is gonna happen: either A) crazy dog man is gonna kill me while I’m jogging, possibly cuz my headphones are cranked and I’m distracted – “Dance! Shout! Shake your body down to the ground…” THUD!! Lissa’s dead.

OR….

B) The dog is gonna realize the window’s open and this is his only possible chance to escape his drunken motorist captor. Fido will triumphantly LEAP to freedom, and while he’s airborne he’ll come into contact with a certain jogger’s head. That certain jogger will of course be me. THUD! Lissa’s dead again. Obituary lists "Local Radio Personality Bludgeoned By Poodle"....first case of its kind. You see what I’m saying? Either way, this man is going to take me out. So if you see a psychopathic white dude careening around Wilkes Barre in a ’97 LeBaron, hummingbirdish puppy on his knee, ram the crap out of him. It’s him or me, folks. Don’t make all my years of fitness for nothing. I deserve to live... For at least another month. Thanks.


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Topics : Human Interest
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People : Lindsay Lohan




 
06/07/2012 10:37AM
June 7, 2012 ~ I think your Grandpa's trying to kill me
Please Enter Your Comments Below
06/07/2012 1:41PM
Dog and crazy dude.
I agree it should be a law for dogs to be crated or seat belted (they have for dogs) while in a car. There safety should be treated like a child (not saying you should crate your child,lol.) You get the point. As for this dude, someone should call the police on him if he is driving that bad. I wouldn't suggest rammimg into him,lol. Try to stay safe on your next run and get his plate number and call the police for sure. :)
06/07/2012 6:55PM
Good point!
You are wise. And correct ;) ~Lissa
06/08/2012 1:14PM
Airbag = manpoodle
I was in the passenger seat of a head on collision, the airbags deployed. I had a Big Mac in the left hand and a soda in the right, yada yada yada I became a Big Tim sandwich drenched in soda. The steering wheel is closer than the airbag on the passengerside, that dog will be fused into the driver if that airbag goes off. They'll think he's a heavily bearded conjoined twin. TQ
06/11/2012 9:13AM
Lissa here...
Oh my gosh! That's scary! Although I would like to say: I find the term "manpoodle" very funny. Well done ;) ~Liss
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