June 1, 2011 ~ i'm the dumbest smart girl you know
I think I met my sister in stupidity this morning. Either we’re both equally stupid or we’re both equally tired…..maybe a mix. We were at the gas station standing in line to check out. She needed change for a five.
Her: “Do you have five ones?”
Me: “Oooo, no, sorry I don’t.”
Her: “Hm. Well how about THREE ones?”
I cocked my head to one side. Confused. What would she have said if I’d said yes? Yes, I do have three ones. But ONLY three. Give me that five for them. I shall thoroughly enjoy my hefty two-dollar profit and tell this story for the rest of the day! Mwaaahahahaa!
Just then she realized what she'd said. “Oh”….she turned red. “Never mind.”
We both kinda laughed. Mine wasn’t the laugh of mockery, no. Mine was the laugh of knowing EXACTLY how that feels. The painful self judgment brought on by word shame - I know it well. I give her credit for actually noticing right away that she said something dumb. I usually say idiotic things on the radio and then go hours upon hours before I realize that I’m a complete moron and should probably give half my paycheck back.
A FEW RECENT GEMS OF LISSA ON-AIR BRILLIANCE:
“Bad traffic only bothers me while I’m in it. After I get home, I’m relatively fine with it.”
“How long have I been walking around with salad in my teeth? Since I ate my salad?!”
“I hope no one else noticed that I have two different socks on….” (I announced this ON THE RADIO to literally THOUSANDS of people)
“If you stick a magnet to a compass, does it change the reading for magnetic north?”
This is just a tiny smattering of the many many many MANY asinine things that escape from my mouth on a daily basis. I’m really surprised I don’t fall down more. If ever you’re feeling a little “too intelligent” just walk into a room full of people and whip out a few of these oh-so-scintillating conversational nuggets. Bring ya riiiiiight back down to earth.
Lady from the gas station - if you’re reading this, don’t feel bad!!!! I think you and I should form a club. I feel like we understand each other. We’ll be “The Kindred Spirits Of Buffoonery”. Let’s recruit some additional members and meet in my tree fort at the stroke of twelve. Wait, scratch that..... Better make it noon.