It’s a wonder to me - WHY do we bother brainstorming show topic ideas when the “E” network can spend an entire half hour on Kim Kardashian’s psoriasis? I think that’s how you know you’re officially out of ideas – when you start looking around the room going “Who’s got a growth? An infection? Deformity? What can we devote an entire show to and treat it like an emergency even though the rest of the world would just call it ‘life’?” That’s where the Kardashians are sitting right now. Next episode will be about somebody’s colon. Mark my words. (Of course this would be an appropriate time to point out that I still choose to WATCH the show – who’s got a gun to your head, Lissa? Nobody? That’s right.)
We have so many shows about nothing and famous people who DO nothing, I’ve decided to start doing less and less each day. According to the Kardashian business model, this should quadruple my income and hook me up with several tight-bodied pro athletes. I look forward to that.
I’m also gonna put less planning into our radio show. I’m just gonna turn on the mic and say things that are way too personal and semi-disgusting (oh wait, I already do that), thus making the audience kinda wanna vomit, but also feel a false sense of personal connection with me. For instance, today is Rusty Fender’s birthday. And Rocky has a slight stomach ache. In the world of non-tertainment I could make an entire two hour special out of that. Rocky, Sue, Rusty, Joe Snedeker, and I would all be gathered around the KRZ table eating birthday cake, and Brother Rock would get a wicked case of the runs. Drama would ensue. The KRZ house would be divided because Rusty’s birthday was RUINED by the thoughtless explosion of Rocky’s bowels. Cue the sad music as Rocky & Rusty walk away from each other in slow motion. See? You can almost picture it, can’t you?
And if we ran out of toilet paper around the 45 minute mark, it could potentially be a “To Be Continued….”. Ah, I can feel the zeroes being added to my bank account already! This is very exciting.