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Lissa




July 25, 2012 ~ i almost died just now, not kidding


Just ran ten miles. Felt great. Started devouring grapes upon my return and apparently forgot how to chew. You heard it here first, kids: Lissa was almost taken out by a grape. I seriously choked and got short of breath. Finally coughed it out. The ONLY drawback to living alone (I just discovered): you can NOT heimlich yourself. Not even if you're double jointed. Scary. I guess I'm relieved I didn't die but you must admit - if I HAD, that'd be one funny-ass obituary:

Lissa left us today. She was the picture of perfect health til her sudden, unexplainable death by graping. Doctors say if she'd led a more sedentary lifestyle and eaten fried foods, they'd have slid smoothly down her gullet and she'd still be with us today. Boo hoo. Cry cry. Chew your food, ya dumb Sporty Spice. Let us all eat jalapeno poppers and weep.

I promise to be more careful in the future. Or at the very least quit trying to swallow stuff whole.... wait, what? I didn't mean that the way it sounded. See THIS is what happens when you blog light headed from your near death-by-graping. I'm gonna go shower. And leave those bitches in the sun so they turn to raisins.




 
07/25/2012 4:10PM
July 25, 2012 ~ i almost died just now, not kidding
Please Enter Your Comments Below
07/25/2012 7:06PM
give him the chair!!!
If this happens again Heimlich using a chair. Also helpful with people that are too "big boned" to get your arms around. As they also say chairing is caring.
07/25/2012 7:13PM
Omigosh!
You might've just saved my life for next time.... ;D You rock! ~Liss
08/02/2012 1:31PM
Heimlich
Heimlich sounds dirty
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