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Lissa




Jan.17, 2011 ~ it's not easy being green

Saw “Green Hornet” on Saturday, thought it was good. Not exactly making Iron Man quiver in his metal undies, but not exactly Hellboy either. Somewhere in between. If you like Seth Rogen, you’ll think it’s pretty funny. I do, and I did. But the REAL star of the movie is Kato! I wish he’d do an action movie sometime - he’d be great!

Did you hear that Van Williams, the dude who starred in the original TV “Green Hornet”, is expressing displeasure with this movie? Granted, he admits he hasn’t even seen it but he’s holding fast to his claims that HIS 60's-era Hornet was never “campy” (uh, HELLO five pounds of pancake makeup and a child’s Lone Ranger mask – yes you were). To emphasize this point, he adds that he "did all those fighting scenes himself”! HAAAAAHahahaha!!! Zowee! No way. And did the chick who played “Alice” on the Brady Bunch do all those BAKING scenes herself???? Holy Hamloaf!

Why is it that as soon as any comic book movie opens, it’s like the Pied Piper of Virgin-town gathers every comic book nerd on the face of the earth and forces them at gunpoint to find a problem with the movie? I grew up with two brothers who were obsessed with comics. No, I mean OB-SESSSSSSSSED. They had dozens of those long white collectors boxes packed to the gills with every graphic novel imaginable, all encased in those little plastic sheets so they wouldn’t deteriorate. Hell, one of my bros even grew up to be a professional artist, so he works on graphic novels every day. But even with their extensive comic book knowledge and their innate ability to debate effectively, even THEY don’t waste their time picking apart these movies. Thankfully! Because they have lives. And jobs. And non-inflatable girlfriends. They also take these films for what they are: just movies. They are not the comic book! They’re never gonna be! Get over it, hulk250_joystickrubber@loser.com!!!!

No one is impressed with the fact that you know Superman’s birthday or how old Peter Parker was when he lost his virginity (FYI – at least he lost his, look into it!). You remind me of my music friends who attain trivia knowledge not because they yearn to be immersed in music culture, but simply because they’re DYING for that one tiny moment in a backstage conversation where it might be even remotely appropriate to whip out the fact that THEY KNOW Mick Jagger’s favorite pizza topping is pimento. And everyone else is supposed to just look at each other wide-eyed and fondle themselves as if to say “wowww – who’s THAT guy? He really knows his stuff! Jeepers, he must be Randy Rhoads’ cousin or something!” Shortly thereafter, I believe every woman backstage is supposed to wanna sleep with him and the men are supposed to wanna jam with him. Yeah, don’t hold your breath. This is the ultimate threshold of douchery: people who learn factoids simply for the delayed gratification of someday “whipping out” those factoids in a giant spooge-fest of their own pretentiousness.  Holy Hamloaf indeed.....

So, considering all my comic book exposure growing up, I am positive I could sit here and analyze every aspect of this movie and find holes. I couuuuuld do it. I could also put lipstick on a goat. I could take Scotch tape and give myself permanent Pee Wee Herman pig nose. I could rent “Sister Act 2”. But I’m not gonna do any of those things. Why? Because I’m an adult. An adult who would actually like to see another adult naked before I die. I finally weaned myself off juvenile behavior like blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk and giggling whenever somebody says “pussy willow”, so let’s all get off our tricycles and put on our big-kid pants. It’s only a f&%king movie. Go see “Green Hornet”. You WILL be entertained. If you let yourself be.

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01/17/2011 7:55PM
Jan.17, 2011 ~ it's not easy being green
Please Enter Your Comments Below
01/17/2011 8:48PM
Jere
Whenever I see comments from the internet community when it comes to super hero movies (or movies in general) I almost automatically picture Comic Book Guy - Worst. Movie. Ever! but that's the thing the creators of the Simpsons must have been paying close attention when coming up with Comic Book Guy's characteristics. 'Why didn't the Abomination have his big reptilian ears in the live action Incredible Hulk? He had them in the comics!' Oh boo hoo like you said Liss its a movie. As long as Bruce Banner gets pissed and Hulks out and starts punching stuff I'm happy. Having a vast knowledge of useless trivia is a curse and it's not my fault that I can clear categories on Jeopardy from anything from movies to history but that is one thing every alpha male knows won't be wowing the ladies anytime soon. I remember back in Jr. High one teacher had extra credit trivia and the girls looked at me weirdly because I knew both of the assassins who shot Abraham Lincoln and JFK, uhmmm it's history girls open a book! Sorry I even said anything (HaHa) Ironically the faces those girls made are the same look a majority of today's blow up dolls have. Actually that's quite scary.
01/17/2011 9:26PM
Lissa
Ha! True enough! Thanks for the comment my friend :) Trivia is certainly not the problem. Excessive unnecessary displays of trivia knowledge - THAT'S a different story! haha.....Thanks again for the msg ~Liss
01/20/2011 4:03PM
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